The Guest List is HUGE!

How to keep your Guest List small

“We didn’t know where to start! Would we actually cut out aunts and uncles? My coworkers? His old roommates? I was so tense about the guest list that it made the rest of the wedding planning impossible to be excited about.”

This might be scary, but we are working on inviting 50 people total to your wedding.  Give or take a few people, this is how you can do it.

How many people are on your guest list?

Leave out the coworkers and neighbors

Neighbors can become friends, that’s true, but you are not obligated to invite them because your families happened to find homes they liked on the same block years ago or because they always gave you great candy on Halloween when you were a kid. I realize that neighbors can become good friends but you don’t want to fall into that “invitation by association” routine; like if you invite the Hanson’s then you have to invite the Murphy’s. Skip all neighbors and apply the same rule to coworkers. Some coworkers might be close friends so of course, their name may be on the list. Just remember to limit your wedding talk at work to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. Just remember the rule: Family and close friends only. 

Don’t feel guilty about not inviting everyone you like

This is a wedding celebration not an episode of “This is your Life.” We know your good friend from high school who you haven’t seen in years would have a blast at your wedding and reception but if you want to stick with your budget, you have to put these people in the optional list.  Keep in mind, if people hear you’re having a small wedding, most people will know that means just family and a few friends. If you haven’t talked to someone in a year, they are in Group Two (or maybe just cut).  They can still be your best friend from grade school, they can still be your old college roommate, but if you haven’t talked to them for awhile then chances are they are not classified as a close friend and shall therefore be placed in the optional list. Plus, if you haven’t talked to them in a year, they may not know many people at the wedding which will make it harder for them to relax and have a good time. This could make it harder for you to relax and have a good time.

Think twice about brand new friends

This whole guest list formation can seem cruel at times but it’s not about whom you like, it’s about what size of a wedding you really want or need. People who you’ve met and become friends just recently might seem like people you should invite (especially if you’ve been talking with them a lot about your wedding) but let’s think about it carefully. They are probably not going to know very many people there, it might make older friends wonder why they were cut before the new friends, and you aren’t going to have tons of time on your big day to make sure that the new friends in your circle are comfortable and having a good time.  Also, this is a dangerous area because you start adding on the “association” invites. For example, you may feel pressure to invite people just because of who they are associated with. I had a good friend who was a bridesmaid in my wedding and occasionally I would hang out with her roommates. When it came time to put together my guest list, I stressed out about whether I should invite them or not. I decided against it and one of them showed up anyway. Then I felt awkward when I saw her knowing that she wasn’t really on the guest list to begin with but since she was associated with one of my close friends, she had assumed she was invited. It was uncomfortable and could have been avoided if I had made it clear early on that we were having a small wedding.

Telling people it’s a small wedding seems to be the code word that lets everyone know (without being rude) that you have decided to only have a few family and friends there.  People seem to get it when you use those words. If you say things like, “we’re trying to keep our numbers down” or “we’re trying not to let our guest list get out of control” it often doesn’t get the point across.

Again, repeat this in your head: Close friends and family only. Close friends and family only.

Unless your parents are paying for it, don’t invite their friends to the celebration

You are going to have a hard enough time making room for your own close friends so unless you have no other choice, your parent’s friends do not have to be there. These are classic examples of people who are wonderful people but nevertheless belong on the optional list. I know this can be tough because sometimes these people are like an extension to your own family but unless they are very close friends of yours, they need to be on the optional list.

Make the whole thing “adults only”

This might make sense anyways if you’re going to have an evening wedding or a court house ceremony. The easiest way to do this is to specifically list the names of the adults and not the children. To make sure the message gets through, have a polite relative help you spread the word.  If having a no-kids celebration seems rude, there are still plenty of ways to include the kids without and save money. Think about setting aside a special meal for them instead of what you’re serving the adults. Chances are peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with chips and lemonade will be more popular for them anyway but also it’s cheaper for you. You can also save money by letting the kids use paper plates and of course, you don’t have to worry about them drinking alcohol so that will help your budget and party planning too. Kids can also help you clean up or entertain your guests before dinner. Maybe they can take some pictures or older kids can even help serve food or fill the water glasses. Kids like to feel important and know that

they are doing something to help.

Use an early RSVP date on your invitations

That way, if anyone from your “must-have” list can’t be there, you can grab someone from the optional list and have enough time to send them an invite without it being awkward. All around, an early RSVP date helps you because it just lets you know what kind of party and what size of party you’ll have which is key when you’re working with a tight budget.

Do you need to invite your second or third cousins or your great aunts and uncles?

No. People will probably expect to see your aunts and uncles there, they probably won’t expect your parent’s aunts and uncles to be there. Neither will your parent’s aunts and uncles. Again, close family and friends only! Besides, how dumb will you feel if you can’t remember their name and you haven’t sent them a Christmas card ever and they haven’t seen you since you were four years old. You’ve got good friends that were left off the list who will likely be friends with you for life. Let’s not let a family tree take down this wedding budget.

Don’t put “and guest” on the invites when inviting a single person

It’s okay for them to come to the wedding alone, and sometimes it’s easier for them anyway. Besides, if they are a close friend or relative (as everyone on your guest list should be), they will know everyone there and will not feel uncomfortable about being at your wedding alone. Think about it like this too: You had to cut some people from your list that you really cared about but just didn’t have the money to invite. Is it fair that ten strangers come to your wedding now because they are friends with your friends?

Don’t worry so much about being rude or keeping up with appearances. Having a small wedding isn’t rude, it’s elegant. Besides, trying to keep up with whatever everyone else is doing will break your budget very quickly.

Don’t forget yourself

If you’re trying to limit your budget and you’re thinking about the cost per person when determining a food budget: Do not forget yourself or the groom when figuring the final cost. A lot of people do that so a good rule of thumb is to always put you and your partner on the top of every list, then your parents, then everyone else. Remember, it’s all about letting everyone know from the start what your plan is. If everyone knows right away that you’re planning a small wedding they are less likely to expect an invite. You’ll deal with less hurt feelings and less expectations. Call relatives personally if you think it will make things smoother. Plan that after wedding dinner to let everyone know that they’re still very important to you.

Some people have big weddings, some people have small weddings, some people elope, some people get married at the court house, some people get married on a cruise ship; everyone’s different.

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